Mommy dearest?
Is Your Mother a Narcissist?
It’s never fun arriving at the conclusion that you mother is a negative influence in your life. That person our society idolizes may for you, not be as loving and supportive as everyone wants to think.
The relationship we develop with our primary caregiver - usually our mother - is so important and can profoundly influence how we show up in the world¹. We can’t change our upbringing and yeah, sometimes that really sucks. The good news is, there are ways to move forward recovering from your past. Sometimes, mending the adult relationship with your primary care-giver is possible. But sometimes it is not. Narcissists rarely change. They don’t see any reason to change because as far as they are concerned, everyone else is the problem.
Appearances are everything to the narcissist mother. Her kids are often important by how they make her look. However, narcissist mothers are often emotionally cold and distant.
Relationships can be made more manageable and learning how may be an important goal for you in therapy. Sometimes we have to put our own best interests first, set boundaries or even set aside old relationships that perpetuate problems in our current lives. This can be especially difficult for those who have been deemed “co-dependent”. If you were taught to put your mother’s needs ahead of yours from early childhood, it might feel very wrong to do otherwise. In fact, most children of narcissists have trouble identifying their needs and end up in adult relationships with narcissists because that is their template for a loving relationship. Often they suffer quietly for a long time before seeking help.
Remember or rediscover the satisfied, and fulfilled you who is totally ‘good enough’.
If this is you, don’t despair. Better boundaries is a great start and counselling and can help you figure out how to make that work for you. Understanding what you lost in childhood, mourning it and then learning to discover yourself are steps in the journey away from co-dependency and narcissism.
Moving forward, healing the inner child, can help you find motivation to get on with enjoying life. It’s so important to nurture yourself and if needed, learn how to parent yourself.
Let’s talk.
